chekhov:

Today I put my hand in my backpack and felt a stress ball and I was like “oh? I have a stress ball?” and I squeezed it and it was a pear and it exploded and now I’m much more stressed than I was earlier :/

On our first date, I warned him.
I told him,
“I’m a bit of a crazy person, but I’m not really interested in changing that shit.
I am not compatible with a Zooey Deschanel rom-com, because I actually love myself more than I can imagine loving somebody else.
I am a stubborn mess…
I am spilled milk, and crying about it.
I am the captain of an ever-sinking ship.”
He laughed,
and told me,
“That’s what they all say.
You have no idea what you want,”
like I was trapped in a tower of my own devise
and he would scratch at the stone,
saying, “Girl. Small thing.
Let down your hair.
You just haven’t found the right cock to complete you.
I am going to save you SO HARD.”

Dude, I would tell you to go fuck yourself,
but I don’t want to wish something as awesome as sex upon you.
I would call you an asshole,
but less shit comes out of an asshole.
You, my friend, are such a specific breed of dick-nut
that I had to invent new insults
just to accommodate how much I hate you.

I hate you so much,
I hope you feel like you’re about to sneeze for the rest of your life.
I hate you so much,
I hope your dick gets a leech on it like in that scene in Stand By Me.
I would enjoy it if you were one of the three people a year who went to jail for pirating music.
I hate you so much,
I hope you have a popcorn kernel stuck in the back of your throat forever.

I hate you so much,
I hope you fall in love with a strong woman…
one who loves herself more than you.
I hate you so much,
I hope you know where you stand,
that she will never stray from her path with that dizzy pinwheel heart.
I hate you so much,
I hope you marry her
and then think about the way you treated me,
about the night you called me manic,
insulted me to my face
and still insisted you pay for dinner.
I hate you so much,
I hope you regret it.
I hope you kiss your loved one full on the mouth
and feel foolish
that she,
this vision of spinning and wonder,
that she,
with the hard heart and sharp tongue,
that she,
with the blinding bright future,
would ever change
for someone
as undeserving
as you.

whogivesmestrength:

chantelbrenna:

squidsqueen:

What makes me so happy about this is that she isn’t telling you you must love your body or that you are obligated to. She saying you have permission to. And that’s important, because there are a lot of reasons why people have trouble with self-love.  But the idea that you aren’t supposed to love your body, that you aren’t allowed to for whatever reason, needs to be crushed. If you can’t love you body right now, if your body causes you pain or disphoria or distress, you aren’t required to love it. But you are ALLOWED to. You are entitled to the chance to make peace with your body, if you ever reach a point where you are ready to. No one else should be trying to stop you.

Sometimes I see or read things, and I didn’t realize that I needed them until they are two GIFs of Nicki Minaj and some amazing commentary that come across my dash and I instantly burst in to tears and feel a weight lifted off my chest.

This is so important

mechs replied to your post: "Sawyer’s my name, too." LOST 3x19: Th…

are you WATCHING IT AGAIN

i am ALWAYS WATCHING it

"Sawyer’s my name, too."

LOST 3x19: The Brig

storiesfromlatenight:

Nathan Fielder tells the story behind his (inadvertently) sexual instagram photos on Conan.

plenilune:

In 1585, the townspeople of Annecy, Savoy, France, became alarmed over an apple that gave out a “great and confused noise.” Believing it to be full of demons, they pushed the apple into a river.

i do not have anything to add to this tbh

blackumi:

What in fucks name is this flying water

skyrim

dioburandou:

daemontool:

remember this show where this one dude had to guess what is he smelling and he put his nose into someones asshole and went “smells like ass” and the commentator went “correct” and this dude did the funniest expression ever. wheres that gif

image

sexhaver:

i knew a dude in college who kept an old Smirnoff bottle full of water on his desk and would casually chug straight out of it in the middle of conversations with new people in order to establish dominance